The Annals, Entry III - Philosophy of a Name

Preparing yourself for the name game is very important. We have found that the following list contains most of the considerations involved when choosing a name.

1. Familial traditions – following in an ancestor's footsteps
2. Free associations - what ghosts jump out of the closet when you think of the name (class clown, first crush, school bully...)?
3. Popularity – is the name on the US top 10 list (and do you want it to be or not)?
4. Meaning – its etymological core
5. Ethnic heritage – the name's language of derivation
6. Historical significance – is it the name of some meaningful figure?
7. Uniqueness – do you prefer to name your child after the first fruit that comes to mind or find comfort in the familiarity of Bob/Dave (again...we love you guys!!)
8. Eternal destiny – do you believe the child's entire future lies in the balance?
9. Random selection – open the book and point, etc.
10. Rhymeability – Do you want to be able to sing "banana-fana-fo-fana" and can school-age children distort it for mocking purposes without having to actually exert creativity and effort?
11. Pronunciation – when calling attendance, will your child's teacher pause, furrow his/her brow, and then produce some atrocity that even your child does not recognize?
12. Laugh factor – when people hear the name, will they put their hands in front of their faces, recompose themselves, and say, “what a nice name”?

Let's go through it step by step as it worked out for us.

Family tradition was never one of Karl’s strongest points, so this aspect really never gained a foot hold. (You may wonder about Andrea’s discussion and consideration of some of these issues, but history is the story of the winners, so let us continue...).

Free associations - umm, no ghosts (see next point)

Popularity was huge for us, as in we REALLY didn't want our kids' names to show up on any top 10 list. As you can see (if you're interested), Quintus and Lucian met this criteria.

Meaning was significant for us. For a long while before we had children, we really liked the name Logan, but when Andrea got the thrift store name book, it informed us that the meaning is "little hollow", not exactly manly enough for Karl... Aside from this, many names have various meanings, and in some cases, it seems impossible to determine what the actual meaning is. Take Caleb for example: does it mean “dog” or “whole-hearted.” Obviously, there is a big difference between these ideas: one is a canine and the other is an attribute of a canine. After consulting numerous dictionaries, the overall consensus was clearly divided. That said, Quintus literally means "five" (relatively innocuous, though someone did ask us if we intended to have five children and name them all according to reverse birth order...) and Lucian means "light".

Ethnic heritage is difficult at best for us. Karl is a Russian, Prussian, Austrian adopted Scottish, Irish . . . something, and Andrea is a British, Irish, Norwegian, Scottish, and German . . . something. Our heritage covers a large part of numerous continents; where do our allegiances lie?

History proved to trump nearly all for us. It is Karl’s avid passion, and aside from Plutarch, he is convinced there is only one true historian, an individual who happens to specialize in the Roman Empire. Thus, in a quest for names, having been completely caught up, Karl could look no closer to the modern day than 1800 years ago. As for Quintus Maximus, his history is connected to wisdom and cunning; Virgil says of him “one man, by delaying, restored the state to us,” and he was called the shield of Rome. Lucian is from a writer trained as a rhetorician known for wit and sarcasm, though this is not the time to speak of Karl’s interests in rhetoric.

Destiny is a funny one. Karl means "manly" and Andrea means "womanly" and what is more natural than a man and a woman coming together? Further, Karl is a derivative of Andrea’s maiden name; obviously, we were destined for each other. Quintus actually combines two different meanings of an inscription at the Oracle of Delphi. Are you ready for this? The oracle was known for one more inscription than the two mentioned in our previous post. A third simply says “ei”. Now, in the American pronunciation of Greek, this would sound like the Canadian “eh”, rendering it culturally suitable. As well, two of its meanings come together to mean “you are five.” Thus, unknown to us, the oracle may have had something to do with Quinn’s name (we will never know). Even stranger, however, a kindly older Costco patron freely prophesied that Quintus “would be the president of Canada with a name like that.” Aside from what this means for future US-Canadian relations, we felt it was very interesting. Not to mention the slightly disconcerting lady at Wal-Mart who walked up to us when Quinn was about 9 months old and stated that he would rule the world. We are waiting to see what will be said of Lucian.

Random Selection - well, if you read Entry I, you know that the book was tossed out (oops, recycled) before it got much play.

Rhymeability - Quintus definitely gets a pass here, though we have managed to turn Lucian into "Loosh la bouche" in reference to his cacophonous outbursts and overwhelming love of food... While unintended, this may also foreshadow his future rhetorical prowess (you know, in combination with Destiny and everything).

Pronunciation is not impossible.

Laugh factor is a bit tricky. While most people don't laugh, several introductions have led to awkward silences that hint at “you're kidding right?” Of course, after Karl's male scholarly friends and a ton of old men got past the "are you serious" stage, they all unanimously agreed: "Those are the coolest names ever. I wish my wife would let me get away with that!!"

Stay tuned next time when Quintus' birth scene leads a young medical student to inquire: “Aren’t you supposed to be screaming or something?”